From Publishers Weekly
Chicago's affluent North Shore provides 20-year veteran psychotherapist Weitzman with abundant evidence of the secret lives of "upscale domestic abusers" and their victim-wives. Shattering the cultural myth that emotional and physical violence in the home is confined to couples of a lower socioeconomic class, the author presents vivid case histories that are often excluded from clinical studies and statistics. Lacking a frame of reference for domestic violence in this echelon, health-care professionals ignore the signs, while law enforcement agents and judges go easy on it, she contends. Few believe or sympathize with a well-dressed, bejeweled woman if she finds the courage and self-respect to speak out against her successful, respected, powerful and often charming husband, while battered women's shelters turn her away, assuming that she has many other resources. But according to Weitzman, she doesn't. While often well educated and successful, the "upscale abused woman" is typically ignorant of her legal rights, convinced by her abuser that she is responsible for his behavior and isolated by her denial and shame from validating voices and potential assistance. Weitzman's upscale abuser exhibits Narcissistic Personality Disorder, feels eminently entitled and is incapable of seeing his wife as a person in her own right. Weitzman provides excellent practical advice for these women to make choices that extricate them from abuse, and proposes a new language and better education regarding "upscale violence" for the professionals who are likely to see it in their work. Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.


From Booklist
Weitzman, a professor of social work, coined the phrase "upscale violence" for domestic abuse among the affluent, something that has been ignored and denied in research on the subject. Nationwide, four million women each year are victims of domestic violence, an unknown proportion of them from families with household incomes of $100,000 or more, according to Weitzman. In her 23 years of mental health practice, she noted the silence surrounding upscale violence. Affluent women are less likely to be assisted by police, courts, and counselors, because of the widely held belief that domestic violence doesn't occur among the well to do. But Weitzman interviewed 14 women, aged 24 to 62, for this revealing look at upscale violence. She recalls a client who went to domestic violence court in a fur coat, standing among lower income sister-complainants. Her case wasn't taken as seriously, though, like the others, she had a black eye. Weitzman looks at patterns of abuse and coping strategies and how abuse among the affluent differs from that of the more widely researched abuse among lower income families. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

FROM THE PUBLISHER

How is it possible for a highly educated woman with a career and resources of her own to stay in a marriage with an abusive husband? How can a man be considered a pillar of his community, run a successful business and regularly give his wife a black eye? The startling nature of these questions proves how convinced we are by the prevailing assumption that domestic violence is restricted to the lower classes. "Not to People Like Us" counters this assumption by exploring a heretofore overlooked population of battered wives -- the highly-educated and upper-income women who rarely report abuse and remain trapped by their own silence.

With keen insight and profound sensitivity Susan Weitzman, psychotherapist and educator, draws on her in-depth study of battered women to unveil the unique path taken by the upscale wife -- the early warning signs, the internal dilemmas and decisions, and the dangerous desire to cover-up abuse and maintain appearances. She shows how abusive relationships between upper-echelon men and women follow a different course from those in other socioeconomic groups. And these distinctions -- for example, the absence of the "honeymoon period" when the abuser seduces his wife into forgiving him -- have profound implications for understanding the true nature of this behavior. Delving into the stories of these women -- wives and girlfriends of CEOs and attorneys, of physicians and professors, the women often professionals themselves -- Weitzman builds a harrowing psychological profile of both the abused and the abuser.

"Not to People Like Us" is the first book to condemn the legal and social service system for failing to recognize domestic violence among upper-income families. From a chart that explains patterns of abuse to specific intervention strategies, Weitzman offers crucial information to help women find their way out of abusive relationships and toward safety and independence.

FROM THE CRITICS

Marcia Clark

Written in a voice that is both compassionate and uncompromising, 'Not to People Like Us' is sure to become the definitive work on the topic of upscale domestic abuse.

READINGS

All practitioners working with adult women should read this book.

Publishers Weekly

Chicago's affluent North Shore provides 20-year veteran psychotherapist Weitzman with abundant evidence of the secret lives of "upscale domestic abusers" and their victim-wives. Shattering the cultural myth that emotional and physical violence in the home is confined to couples of a lower socioeconomic class, the author presents vivid case histories that are often excluded from clinical studies and statistics. Lacking a frame of reference for domestic violence in this echelon, health-care professionals ignore the signs, while law enforcement agents and judges go easy on it, she contends. Few believe or sympathize with a well-dressed, bejeweled woman if she finds the courage and self-respect to speak out against her successful, respected, powerful and often charming husband, while battered women's shelters turn her away, assuming that she has many other resources. But according to Weitzman, she doesn't. While often well educated and successful, the "upscale abused woman" is typically ignorant of her legal rights, convinced by her abuser that she is responsible for his behavior and isolated by her denial and shame from validating voices and potential assistance. Weitzman's upscale abuser exhibits Narcissistic Personality Disorder, feels eminently entitled and is incapable of seeing his wife as a person in her own right. Weitzman provides excellent practical advice for these women to make choices that extricate them from abuse, and proposes a new language and better education regarding "upscale violence" for the professionals who are likely to see it in their work. (Nov.) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.

Library Journal

Drawing on her own research with 14 women aged 24-62, psychotherapist Weitzman exposes abuse among the wealthy. She profiles seemingly unlikely abusers and shows how traditional helping institutions often trivialize this problem and fail its often-misunderstood victims. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.

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