Be warned: In many ways this is a terrifying book. It deals with a subject--violence against children--that most of us never want to consider. But, as Gavin de Becker stresses, such situations, though rare, can occur, so all parents must deal with the facts in order to protect their children properly. De Becker's aim is to create awareness of potential dangers and provide parents with the knowledge necessary for prevention and control. As he emphatically states in Protecting the Gift, much of this knowledge is already hard-wired in the form of intuition: "This natural ability is deep, brilliant, powerful. Nature's greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is stunningly efficient when its host is at risk, but when one's child is at risk, it moves to a whole new level, one we can justifiably call miraculous." The trick, he stresses, is trusting and acting on intuition.

In this valuable, even necessary, book, he shatters many myths about the typical profiles of regular offenders and the prevalence of such problems as sexual abuse and kidnapping. He also deconstructs the wisdom of traditional maxims such as "Never talk to strangers" and "If you are ever lost, go to a policeman." Without offering a compendium of every conceivable danger, he identifies warning signals and real risks that are often easy to spot once you know what to look for. He offers practical advice on recognizing signs of sexual abuse, choosing a baby sitter or nanny, how to prepare kids for walking to school alone, and how to teach children about potential risks without making them afraid to venture out of the house. And he continually stresses that denial and ignoring intuition are the biggest mistakes that parents make in protecting their kids from those that mean them harm. Well written and infinitely informative, Protecting the Gift affords parents more confidence and less reason for unnecessary worry. --Shawn Carkonen


From Publishers Weekly
Dostoyevski said that child abuse is evil because it destroys a childs faith in the goodness of God. In this painstakingly practical yet impassioned guide, de Becker, author of last years bestselling The Gift of Fear, demonstrates that a child who was himself abused can grow up to be a vigilant protector of the gift of childrens innate faith in the goodness of life. Writing with a precision honed from his long experience as a security expert predicting violence in order to protect high-profile clients, and with a depth born of his own childhood understanding of how it feels to be hurt by the adult you love, de Becker describes how we can keep our children safe. Although he devotes separate chapters to the special threats facing children and teens, females and males (the murderous romance of boys and guns is covered), his basic message is encapsulated in 12 steps. Echoing his previous book, the first step involves teaching children to honor their feelingsspecifically, the intuition that makes them fear certain people. Children also need a parents permission to be assertive, to defy adults, to yell and fully resist. Throughout, de Becker stresses a childs need to trust that a parent will be open to listen about any experience, no matter how unpleasant. He opens and concludes with tales of ordinary mothers who overcame their doubts and inhibitions to experience a brilliantly intuitive wild brain as they fought off attackers to protect their children. De Becker offers a guide to fostering this fierce intelligence in our kids, ourselves and our society. Everyone in contact with children should read this important book. It can help save lives. BOMC, QPB and Childrens BOMC featured alternates; first serial to USA Weekend; second serial to Good Housekeeping; author tour. Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.


From AudioFile
This graphic and gut-wrenching tape stops you dead in your tracks. You listen, frozen in revulsion, as it describes horrific violence against children. The author believes the solution to violence is the acceptance of its reality. DeBecker's philosophy and related rules are designed to keep our kids safe, the most important rules being parents saying "No" and meaning it and kids always being able to talk to parents. He reads the script deadpan, befitting the gruesome subject, sounding like he's dictating an autopsy report. Keep the motion sickness bag handy. A.G.H. (c) AudioFile, Portland, Maine


From Booklist
In De Becker's well-received first book on anticipating, avoiding, and preventing personal violence, he wrote about The Gift of Fear (1997) and encouraged regarding fearful feelings as warnings to be heeded rather than rationalized away. In this book, he still encourages that practice and still valorizes intuition as the reliable matrix out of which fear arises. The gift of this book's title is not, however, an intangible emotion, but one's very tangible children. After opening chapters on intuition, worry--which he thinks is more distracting than useful--and the ingratiating tactics of child abductors and molesters, De Becker turns to specific aspects of protecting children. When children should talk to strangers, how to let children cooperate in their own protection as they grow, hiring baby-sitters, choosing safe day-care, guarding against pedophiles, ensuring safety at school, helping teenage girls deal with boys, dealing with boys and guns, spotting violence-prone boys' friendships, and intervening in intrafamilial violence--each gets a very cogent, accessible chapter's attention. Certain truths, borne out by statistics, are stated repeatedly: almost 100 percent of child molesters are heterosexual men; the preponderance of molestation is committed by family members and close friends; and boys and men are exponentially more likely to be violent than girls and women. Although he uses plenty of sobering and sometimes tragic true stories as springboards for teaching, De Becker avoids fearmongering and paranoia, pointing out that humans are the most successful species we know at raising offspring safely to maturity. This is top-drawer child-rearing stuff. Ray Olson

FROM THE PUBLISHER

"I commit that by the end of this book, you'll know more and be uncertain less; see more and deny less, accept more and hesitate less; act more and worry less. How can I be so sure? Because if nature selected you for the job of protecting a child, odds are you're up to it."—Gavin de Becker

In his groundbreaking bestseller The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker showed millions of readers that like every creature on earth, human beings can predict violent behavior. Now, in Protecting the Gift, de Becker empowers parents to trust fully their own intuition when it comes to their children's safety.

In this indispensable resource, de Becker provides keen insights into the behavior and strategies of predators. He offers practical new steps to enhance children's safety at every age level: specific questions parents can ask to screen effectively and evaluate baby-sitters, day-care services, schools, and doctors; a "Test of Twelve" safety skills children need before being alone in public; warning signs to help parents protect children from sexual abuse; and how to keep teenage girls and boys from unsafe situations with peers and adults. De Becker also shatters the myth that rules like Never Talk to Strangers will keep your children safe. By showing what danger really looks like—as opposed to what we might imagine it looks like—de Becker gives parents freedom from many common worries and unwarranted fears.

All parents face the same challenges when it comes to their children's safety: whom to trust, whom to distrust, what to believe, what to doubt, what to fear, and what not to fear. De Becker helps parents find some certainty about life'shighest-stakes questions:

How can I know a baby-sitter won't turn out to be someone who harms my child?
What should I ask child-care professionals when I interview them?
What's the best way to prepare my child for walking to school alone?
How can my child be safer at school?
How can I spot sexual predators?
What should I do if my child is lost in public?
How can I teach my child about risk without causing too much fear?
What must my teenage daughter know in order to be safe?
What must my teenage son know in order to be safe?
And finally, in the face of all these questions, how can I reduce the worrying?

A generation ago, in Baby and Child Care, Dr. Benjamin Spock told parents that they already possessed most of the important knowledge about their children's health. Similarly, when it comes to predicting violence and protecting children, de Becker demonstrates that you already know most of what you need to know— parents have, he says, "the wisdom of the species."

SYNOPSIS

All parents face the same challenges when it comes to their children's safety: whom to trust, whom to distrust, what to believe, what to doubt, what to fear, and what not to fear. Now America's leading expert at predicting violent behavior shatters the widely held myths about danger and safety and helps parents find some certainty about life's highest-stakes questions in his new book, Protecting the Gift.

FROM THE CRITICS

Publishers Weekly

Dostoyevski said that child abuse is evil because it destroys a childs faith in the goodness of God. In this painstakingly practical yet impassioned guide, de Becker, author of last years bestselling The Gift of Fear, demonstrates that a child who was himself abused can grow up to be a vigilant protector of the gift of childrens innate faith in the goodness of life. Writing with a precision honed from his long experience as a security expert predicting violence in order to protect high-profile clients, and with a depth born of his own childhood understanding of how it feels to be hurt by the adult you love, de Becker describes how we can keep our children safe. Although he devotes separate chapters to the special threats facing children and teens, females and males (the murderous romance of boys and guns is covered), his basic message is encapsulated in 12 steps. Echoing his previous book, the first step involves teaching children to honor their feelingsspecifically, the intuition that makes them fear certain people. Children also need a parents permission to be assertive, to defy adults, to yell and fully resist. Throughout, de Becker stresses a childs need to trust that a parent will be open to listen about any experience, no matter how unpleasant. He opens and concludes with tales of ordinary mothers who overcame their doubts and inhibitions to experience a brilliantly intuitive wild brain as they fought off attackers to protect their children. De Becker offers a guide to fostering this fierce intelligence in our kids, ourselves and our society. Everyone in contact with children should read this important book. It can help save lives. BOMC, QPB and Childrens BOMC featured alternates; first serial to USA Weekend; second serial to Good Housekeeping; author tour. (May)

Library Journal

From the man who gave us The Gift of Fear: protecting your children.

AudioFile - Anita Goldman Horning