FROM OUR EDITORS

The Barnes & Noble Review
Our Boys, Ourselves: Why Adolescent Boys Are Freaking Out, and What We Can Do About It

Dead-eyed schoolyard killers, slackjawed video-game addicts, rat-pack gang members dedicated to ritual violence and self-mutilation: The '90s sure are a great time to be a boy.

Ignored and essentially stigmatized by decades of academic theory and gender revolution, boys are literally America's latest bete noire — 15 times as likely as girls to be victims of violent crime, 6 times as likely to be dosed with Ritalin, 4 times as likely to be diagnosed as mentally disturbed, 4 times as likely to commit suicide....

The list goes on, but for therapist and manhood guru Michael Gurian, it's time to redirect our energies. Like a growing number of educators, researchers, and parents, Gurian, author of the bestselling The Wonder of Boys, feels that our recent hyperfocus on the troubles of adolescent girls has demonized boys, blaming them as the cause of female self-esteem problems, when it's really boys who are the sinking ships in our postmodern society.

Gurian is certainly on to something, and his passion is contagious. He forcefully and, I think, fairly argues that any attempt to "reinvent" manhood, to groom away male traits such as aggression and love of hierarchy, is doomed to fail. But far from throwing out those early-'90s "problem girl" books, such as Reviving Ophelia and Failing at Fairness, he wants to supplement their lessons with suggestions on how to give boys the structure and guidance they need.

The new studies quoted by Gurian (and citedapprovinglyby Mary Pipher, author of Revivin Ophelia) show that it is boys whose self-esteem plummets more deeply in adolescence, boys who are increasingly failing to graduate from high school and college, boys who are victims of violence or perpetrators of it. As our society moves into the endgame of the industrial revolution, adolescent males have been cut loose from any sort of structure — whether it be familial, clan, tribal, religious, or work-related. Subject to an average of seven testosterone washes a day beginning around age nine, boys are biologically in need of hierarchical structures, and the mentoring available within them, in order to learn self-knowledge and self-control. Without these structures, they become scared, fragile, numb, and capable of doing harm to themselves and others.

So — to paraphrase the Rolling Stones' "Street Fighting Man" — what can a poor boy do (except sing in a rock 'n' roll band)? Gurian's book details the three stages of adolescence and comes up with an impressive set of frameworks for parents and educators to apply to the children with whom they come into contact. These guidelines are pragmatic, frequently combine cutting-edge science with the ancient truths of religion and anthropology, and seem neither too new age nor too repressive.

I felt equal relief that Gurian also doesn't come off as an ideologue or woman-basher. For instance, I can't imagine too many feminists arguing against his goal of Stage 3 (ages 18 to 21) emotional maturity, which is that males be "developmentally ready to understand that adult love is love practiced like a spiritual discipline." Much to my loss, I had nobody to explain that to me at 21. But as a parent of a 12-year-old boy, I can see myself reaching for this book often over the next decade.

Don Wallace is the author of a novel, HOT WATER, and of essays in Harper's, Parents, The New York Times, and other publications. Articles by Wallace appear in the current (July) issues of Redbook and Self.

FROM THE PUBLISHER

As boys enter the second decade of their lives, they are confronted with tremendous challenges at home, at school, and in personal relationships. In a phenomenon long overlooked by the media and policy makers, adolescent boys are the most at-risk group in our society today, facing the highest incidence of addiction, violence, mental illness, and emotional neglect. Building on his pioneering work in The Wonder of Boys, Michael Gurian now explores the misunderstood life of the żżż90s male adolescent, providing parents and mentors with eye-opening and practical wisdom. Gurian answers tough questions about the changes boys face, focusing on new understandings of the hidden biology of the adolescent male; the development of emotional structure and social adaptation; the changing emotional safety within the family unit; necessary rites of passage; and the critical shifting in the attitude of society, educators, and the media in order to nurture adolescent boys into loving, wise, and responsible men. Giving us the tools to better nurture, discipline, and cultivate our adolescent males, Gurian delivers the most responsible and enlightening assessment of young manhood in our time.

FROM THE CRITICS

Publishers Weekly

Carrying forward some of the themes first introduced in his book The Wonder of Boys (1996), Gurian focuses on male adolescence, a crucial stage of development that, he argues, is in crisis today, being both misunderstood and diminished in importance. Drawing on his own research and experience as a psychotherapist, he lays out a picture of male adolescence that is often bleak: adolescent males are four times as likely as females to commit suicide; only one out of six adolescents diagnosed with ADHD is female, and that 90% of adolescent discipline problems in schools are about males. The thrust of his approach, however, is proactive and ultimately imbued with hope. Gurian emphasizes the importance of family in the three distinct stages (transformation, determination and consolidation) of male adolescent development, which can begin as early as nine and extends through the early 20s. In the nurture/nature debate, Gurian falls somewhere in the middle, explaining and validating the importance of both male "hardwiring" (the genetic component) as well as emotional and cultural "softwiring." With persuasive eloquence, Gurian outlines thoughtful and practical steps parents and other caregivers can take to create the kind of positive role-models and nurturing support systems that will help boys successfully negotiate the passage to manhood. (July)

Library Journal

Beausay and Gurian are both clinical psychotherapists, previously published authors, and the fathers of boys. In their new works, they focus on the development of adolescent boys, sharing a concern for boys' complete growth--physical, spiritual, emotional, and religious--to adulthood. The books have different tones, however, and are directed at different audiences. Beausay addresses the parents of teenagers, assuring them that they will survive. Teenage Boys! is very upbeat with a flexible, not prescriptive, approach; suggestions are practical ideas for parents to try. Gurian's book is less a parenting book, although it will interest parents of adolescent boys, and more a work on adolescent male psychology. A Fine Young Man draws from biology, psychology, and sociology to paint a detailed picture of the tasks an adolescent boy needs to undertake to become a mature adult. Although the volume is somewhat scholarly in tone, no detailed bibliography is provided. Gurian helps his readers understand the teenager in depth, but his ideas are sometimes subject to challenge. Teenage Boys! is highly recommended for all parenting collections. A Fine Young Man is recommended for collections in adolescent psychology and larger parenting collections.--Kay L. Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD

Don Wallace

July 1998

Our Boys, Ourselves: Why Adolescent Boys Are Freaking Out, and What We Can Do About It

Dead-eyed schoolyard killers, slackjawed video-game addicts, rat-pack gang members dedicated to ritual violence and self-mutilation: The '90s sure are a great time to be a boy.

Ignored and essentially stigmatized by decades of academic theory and gender revolution, boys are literally America's latest bête noire -- 15 times as likely as girls to be victims of violent crime, six times as likely to be dosed with Ritalin, four times as likely to be diagnosed as mentally disturbed, four times as likely to commit suicide....

The list goes on, but for therapist and manhood guru Michael Gurian, it's time to redirect our energies. Like a growing number of educators, researchers, and parents, Gurian, author of the bestselling The Wonder of Boys, feels that our recent hyperfocus on the troubles of adolescent girls has demonized boys, blaming them as the cause of female self-esteem problems, when it's really boys who are the sinking ships in our postmodern society.

Gurian is certainly on to something, and his passion is contagious. He forcefully and, I think, fairly argues that any attempt to "reinvent" manhood, to groom away male traits such as aggression and love of hierarchy, is doomed to fail. But far from throwing out those early-'90s "problem girl" books, such as Reviving Ophelia and Failing at Fairness, he wants to supplement their lessons with suggestions on how to give boys the structure and guidance they need.

The new studies quoted by Gurian (and cited approvingly by Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia) show that it is boys whose self-esteem plummets more deeply in adolescence, boys who are increasingly failing to graduate from high school and college, boys who are victims of violence or perpetrators of it. As our society moves into the endgame of the industrial revolution, adolescent males have been cut loose from any sort of structure -- whether it be familial, clan, tribal, religious, or work-related. Subject to an average of seven testosterone washes a day beginning around age nine, boys are biologically in need of hierarchical structures, and the mentoring available within them, in order to learn self-knowledge and self-control. Without these structures, they become scared, fragile, numb, and capable of doing harm to themselves and others.

So -- to paraphrase the Rolling Stones' "Street Fighting Man" -- what can a poor boy do (except sing in a rock 'n' roll band)? Gurian's book details the three stages of adolescence and comes up with an impressive set of frameworks for parents and educators to apply to the children with whom they come into contact. These guidelines are pragmatic, frequently combine cutting-edge science with the ancient truths of religion and anthropology, and seem neither too new age nor too repressive.

I felt equal relief that Gurian also doesn't come off as an ideologue or woman-basher. For instance, I can't imagine too many feminists arguing against his goal of Stage 3 (ages 18 to 21) emotional maturity, which is that males be "developmentally ready to understand that adult love is love practiced like a spiritual discipline." Much to my loss, I had nobody to explain that to me at 21. But as a parent of a 12-year-old boy, I can see myself reaching for this book often over the next decade.

Don Wallace is the author of a novel,Hot Water, and of essays in Harper's, Parents, The New York Times, and other publications.